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| I believe I have a problem. So I'm been attempting to finish a lot of homework assignments since 6 of last night. I promptly had my tasks all written out in my agenda and ready to get working. But as I was sitting at my desk, my determination wasn't there anymore. Yeah, I knew I had to complete all the assignments tonight because I need them all for tomorrow. Yet, I let myself take a nap that was supposed to be 20 minutes and ends up being 2 hours. I was pretty pissed, but I could only be mad at myself. So when I got up finally, I went to get some food in my tummy because I know I wasn't going to be sleeping that night. After eating dinner, I went to my desk and started to work on my ENG 112 assignment, an annotated bibliography using 4 sources. That seems really easy and I know it is. But I don't know why I can't seem to get myself to complete it. I only have 1 source done. And I've been working on it since 6 o clock PM. Not only do I have to do that, I have to find some good PRO points for my debate of the death penalty. WHICH IS SUPER IMPORTANT, but I haven't even touched it yet. I still have to finish my AP US History packet with 40+ questions to complete. NOT FUN!.. I need to get working on it, but I don't know why I let myself get this far. I know it's gonna hurt me in the end, but why do I still do it?
Shouldn't I have learned some of this mental stuff in psychology? NO HELP AT ALL. Can SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!? I don't know why this is helping when I know I'm a good student. =( | | |
| Well it's definitely been a while since I've been back on xanga with a nice update. So here I am. Funny, because I know hardly anyone reads it. But what the hey, I'm writing for myself anyways.
Where to begin? Let's talk about school first. Second semester started last monday, and I've been working my butt since. College classes doesn't begin until Tuesday. Hopefully the college load won't be as heavy as the high school work load. Already in for a week, and I'm amazed at the work that I've completed. My new year resolution is stop complaining about the little things. I don't want to be that girl anymore. So hopefully, I won't have anything to complain about later in my next entry. Last semester went pretty well, I suppose. I think I tried my hardest and I deserve what I got on my report card. This semester I'm aiming for big and great things. I shall not myself get down.
Work has been good. This holiday season just passed, had me working tons of hours. Made a few hundred in just a week. Not so bad. Let's just say that I had a great night sleep after I came home from work. This season was different without Lina, my former co-worker. But there was a new girl that I never got to mention in an entry. Her name is Alyssa. She's pretty great. She's a great student because she got into UNC. love that girl. She's pretty smart. She helped me work some hours. Thank god she was there, or else I would go to work everyday with black circles looking like a raccoon .
My love life hasn't change since the last time I updated. I'm starting to get used to it again. Not much to say about it.
I think that's it from me tonight, I don't have much to say. Goodnight. :) | | |
| So I thinking about some criticism that my friend told me after we came back home from a party. I can't clearly and precisely repeat what she told me, but I think it was similar to this. " I know you like to have fun and be the life of the party, but you need to tone it down some. I think some guys don't like that when they see a girl that's a out of control and acts like that." I don't think that's completely what she said, but it was something like that. After I heard this, I came to think, what if I was to act like this? Why should that matter if I act like this at a party? A party is a place where I believe I should let loose and have fun. I don't think that I should hold back on anything especially at life. She told me that she doesn't want this to affect how I am at the next party because people thought I was fun and silly to be around. I love being able to make people laugh even if I'm embarrassing to myself. I think I could care less if I fell on my ass and people saw me. If I can laugh it, then why can't they? Well so this entry was suppose to be about if I could ever find someone to love me for me. I thought that if a guy can't handle me at my worst, then why do they deserve me at my best. I think that if I am a crazy nut at parties because that's how I have fun, and a guy can look pass that and try to get to know me, I think that guy best deserves a chance to be with me. I know that I'm a caring and loving person, no matter what other people might say. I'm a sweet and nice daddy's girl that any guy should think to date. I'm all about having fun, but I'm not the type of girl that's going do something real stupid and get in trouble for. Yeah I do drink at parties, because I mean what else is there to drink? But I doubt I will ever smoke weed or do anything else super illegal. I think it's something that I will never try. I don't look down at people who do because everyone has a reason for doing what they do. I wonder sometimes why I don't have a boyfriend. Is that I'm pretty enough or decent looking enough? Is it because I'm not good enough? And it makes me feel all lonely inside when pretty much all of my friends get hit when we go out, and I'm just left chilling in my own little corner. I mean I try not to make it like "hey you're always getting hit on and I'm always alone. I hate you for leaving me." Because it's not the case. Because sometimes I can get a little frustrated when I see that my friends can have someone to cuddle and hold on to at their finger tips. As for me, it's different. When I'm in a relationship, I'm always the one that gets hurt. I'm never the one that does the hurting. I trust my heart and soul to a guy that I believe would never hurt me, but in the end, I was left heartbroken and disappointed and still left disappointed. I want a guy to show me the world in his own way and then I can show him mines. I don't ask for too much in a relationship, I really don't. I just want a sincerere guy that will be honest and truthful. As long as we're happy together, I don't need a thing. I just hope that I can find that special guy soon. I know I have my beautiful family for everything... But I'm yearning to find that special person to share something special with............... LOVE.
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| Hi, I'm finally back from being away for so long. I've been pretty busy with school, work, and just life. Trying to balance four college classes and a weekend job can get a little crazy. I'm taking General Chemistry, Intro to Sociology, Expository Writing, and College Algebra. Chemistry by far this semester, has been the one class that I'm struggling with. There's so much information to learn in such a short period of time. The teacher moves pretty fast, so if you daydream for two minutes, you're going to be lost for the rest of the class. There's so much to remember and apply. I know I'll survive this class. But dang, it's pretty hard.
That was about school, now on to work. In the past couple weekends, I haven't worked too many hours, so my cash flow was coming in very slowly. My pregnant ex-co-worker kept on asking me to give her some of my hours, I couldn't say no because she needed the money more than I did and I felt like with school driving me nuts, I needed a day off during the weekend. Now that she's no longer working with me, I have my weekend hours back. It feels kind of different now that I'm working like I used to. Like I'd have 20 hours in 2 days. Not bad for my wallet, but as soon as I get home, I'm pretty much knocked out. Though my job doesn't require much labor, it's the fact that you spent your whole day at your job makes you feel really tired and want to go home as soon as possible. I'll get used to my hours because I need the money for christmas shopping. I need to make as much as I can, so I can have some money saved up for college (hopefully).
Lately, I've been trying to prioritize myself and how I spend most of my day during the entire week. I'm at school from 9:30 to 4:30. Classes ends at 12:30, but I choose to stay at school and try to make myself study. I have that studying would benefit me a lot if I could just get myself to sit at a desk for a few hours and just study whatever I can. But I always let myself get on facebook, AIM, xanga, myspace, and checking my emails. It's like I'm trying to find a way to delay my time to study. I want to study really because I tell myself that I want to make good grades, but sometimes I just bum out and decide to procrastinate. Just like now, I should be studying for my math test tomorrow and I'm still on xanga typing this entry. I KNOW I SHOULD STUDY, SO WHY CAN'T I FOCUS ON IT? That's definitely the question of the day, more like my life!
I'll leave it here for now. Back to studying. :) Goodnight Xanga-ers. | | |
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It's been a couple of weeks since I've updated last. Everything has been going great. School's good and so is work. I just turned 18, officially legal. Doesn't feel any different.
I don't have much to say really. My mind is kinda going blank. So I guess I'll post something else later.
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